Last week when my mom was visiting, I took her to the gym. I plopped her on the treadmill and made her sweat. While we were there, we encountered a tall, blonde haole girl, slender, cute, young and very stinky. Whew! This attractive young woman was rank. Mom noticed her first. She very subtly waved her hand in front of her nose and made a pee-eeew face when the girl wasn't looking. Then it was my turn. Yikes! Just being on the machine next to her made my eyes water. It was enough to take your breath away. Or at least enough to make you want to hold your breath. It must have something to do with her diet. Maybe she eats curried Limburger with garlic and anchovies on a regular basis or something. I've been in lots of gyms in my day, and ridden plenty of public busses, too. This girl is the hands-down winner for stinkiest human I've ever encountered. She wins for sharpest, most pungent, and the coveting title of worst stench EVER. She made giving a ride to One-Lung-Smelly-guy seem like picking a bouquet of gardenias. Ron and I dubbed him this after each of us had given him a ride or two. He was our neighbor and a really nice, friendly fellow. He was just a little hygienically challenged. His house, it turns out, had no back wall. (I'm guessing he had no shower, either.) It was a tiny shack with three walls; a blue tarp hung in place of the fourth. One-lung-smelly-guy had some health problems (like a missing lung, for example) and passed away. If you've been reading this blog regularly, you know that's been a bit of a trend for us since we moved to Hawaii. We are beginning to feel jinxed and are a little afraid to befriend or do business with new people here. The real estate agent who helped us find our house has died. Our neighborhood coffee guy died, too. Then there was One-Lung. They've all departed since meeting us. Sheesh!
So anywho, this ramble was sparked because Stinky girl was back at the gym today. I gave her a wide berth and she left within just a few minutes of my arrival so I guess you could say it's my lucky day.
Tomorrow night I begin ukulele lessons. I'm excited. I was relieved to learn that the other students who have signed up for the class are all adults. I had a vision of myself struggling to strum alongside a group of six-year-olds. One of the little keiki would lean over and show me where to put my big fat fingers. "Dere you go, auntie!" he'd say.
Mom had a bit of a delay returning home. Our illustrious leader, George W., made an overnight fuel stop in Hawaii on his way back from Iraq via Australia on Saturday. His timing couldn't have been worse. His arrival forced her flight from Hilo to Honolulu to circle for some time.
So instead of having a leisurely, one hour layover, she had to rush. This is not an easy thing to do for a woman with two artificial hips, a creaky knee and pins in her feet. She may have more metal in her than the bionic woman, but cannot run like her. She cannot run at all. Mom was lucky enough to find a nice, young airport employee to help her find her connecting flight gate and lead her there. Luckily, it was close. She was the last to board the plane to Portland.
The Portland flight, along with a few others bound for the mainland at that time, waited as long as they could to allow delayed passengers a little more time to make their connections. So the flight arrived late to Portland. Because of this, she missed the shuttle she had hoped to catch and had to wait over an hour for the next one. She said she got home to Salem at about 1 a.m. That's a long day. Thanks, Mr. President, for delaying my mom. As if I needed one more reason not to like you.
It's 4:26 p.m. and the Monday night football game just ended. Weird, huh?
A hui hou. Aloha!
So anywho, this ramble was sparked because Stinky girl was back at the gym today. I gave her a wide berth and she left within just a few minutes of my arrival so I guess you could say it's my lucky day.
Tomorrow night I begin ukulele lessons. I'm excited. I was relieved to learn that the other students who have signed up for the class are all adults. I had a vision of myself struggling to strum alongside a group of six-year-olds. One of the little keiki would lean over and show me where to put my big fat fingers. "Dere you go, auntie!" he'd say.
Mom had a bit of a delay returning home. Our illustrious leader, George W., made an overnight fuel stop in Hawaii on his way back from Iraq via Australia on Saturday. His timing couldn't have been worse. His arrival forced her flight from Hilo to Honolulu to circle for some time.
So instead of having a leisurely, one hour layover, she had to rush. This is not an easy thing to do for a woman with two artificial hips, a creaky knee and pins in her feet. She may have more metal in her than the bionic woman, but cannot run like her. She cannot run at all. Mom was lucky enough to find a nice, young airport employee to help her find her connecting flight gate and lead her there. Luckily, it was close. She was the last to board the plane to Portland.
The Portland flight, along with a few others bound for the mainland at that time, waited as long as they could to allow delayed passengers a little more time to make their connections. So the flight arrived late to Portland. Because of this, she missed the shuttle she had hoped to catch and had to wait over an hour for the next one. She said she got home to Salem at about 1 a.m. That's a long day. Thanks, Mr. President, for delaying my mom. As if I needed one more reason not to like you.
It's 4:26 p.m. and the Monday night football game just ended. Weird, huh?
A hui hou. Aloha!
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