Mountains and Islands

Today was a great day to be a bird watcher in Volcano. On my way to work, I spotted this i'o , or Hawaiian hawk, sitting on a wire less than a block from the winery. I got out of my truck and walked right under him. He looked at me, then refocused his attention on the grass at the road's edge. I hoped he was looking for a mongoose, although he seems a little small to tackle such feisty prey. The i'o looks a little smaller than a kestrel, a smidge larger than a magpie. It's a very small hawk, but impressive and beautiful none-the-less. The i'o is designated as an endangered species. So is the nene , or Hawaiian goose. I got an even better shot of this happy couple today. Nene mate for life. The pair has been hanging out around the vineyard lately . Today, they spent the afternoon right out front. I was able to walk right up to them. I think they even posed for me. Say cheeeeeese. Aren't they cool? Yesterday was Minnesota day. Today was Canada day. In fact, eve...

Today I put the finishing touches on my concept for a newspaper ad for the winery and sent it off to the ad dude at the paper for tweaking. It's kinda cute if I don't say so myself. It shows two fish, the state fish to be exact, facing each other as though they're going to kiss. One has a bubble over his head and says, "You're my humu-humu honey." (The state fish is called the humuhumunukunukuapua'a.) The other fish says, "Ah, you're making me blush." Then the text reads, "Macadamia Nut Honey and Volcano Blush . Just two of the award winning wines made here on the Big Island by Volcano Winery..... yadda yadda yadda. Cute huh? It's fun to be doing something a little different. You can only give the speel (or is that shpeel?) to visitors so many times without losing just a tad of your enthusiasm. Next week I hope to begin peddling the winery's wares to restaurants around the island. That will require the speel (shpeel) too, but i...

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. Martin Luther King, Jr. TV has become an even greater wasteland than usual these days, thanks to the writers' strike. Thank God for Kyle XY! It's back! Never mind that Kyle has been sporting a pretty dark 5 o'clock shadow lately, despite the fact that he's supposed to be a high school student. So what? He's Kyle, gunfunnit, the coolest kid without a belly button to ever grace the living room screens of America. Kyle rocks. The new shoes are spectacular. I felt like I was running on clouds today, plunking out four miles on the treadmill and feeling a noticeable coosh as my heals struck the conveyor. Once again, I had the gym to myself. I find it hard not to start singing along to the iPod when I'm alone. I chose to exercise some self restraint, however, lest some hapless sucker wander into the place and be subjected to my crooning. It would, however, give me a strong chance of quickl...

"Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything's right...." Paolo Nutini - Lyrics from "New Shoes." The other day, as I lumbered along the belt of the treadmill with my iPod cranked for musical inspiration, it occurred to me that I was probably the only person in the gym who was listening to Alison Krauss through my earbuds . (Never mind the fact that I was the only person in the gym just then.) I also thought it likely that I was the only person on the whole island listening to Alison. Maybe I was the only person in all of Hawaii. That same experience happened to me today. This time, the artist was Roger Miller. Hey, King of the Road is a good song and fits in nicely with my folk/country/bluegrass playlist . DON"T MAKE FUN OF ME! Roger Miller was a genius! Trailers for sale or rent, rooms to let - fifty cents..... Or how about the classic , You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd? You've gotta admit ...

After a malasada for the road and lunch at the Kona Inn, Ron and I combed the aisles of Costco. That was our Sunday. It was a cash and carry day. Costco only takes American Express or cash. I guess they take debit cards too, but Homey (the Financial Planner) don't play dat. We used to have an American Express card. It was Ron's business card, although I was an authorized signer. He had the thing for 30 years and never missed a payment. I almost never use it, but have on several occasions over the years. Historically, we'd call Amex customer service to let them know that I would be using the card. We tried that again recently. I had planned to got to town and Ron thought he'd just give me the American Express card to stock up on some business supplies he needed. He called Amex and got an agent in India with a very heavy accent. The guy, who identified himself as Kevin or Steve or some other bogus Anglified name, told him that I could no longer use the card, despite the ...

The Volcano Farmers' Market has become, as they say here, "choke." That means it's really busy and packed with people. I think it would be safe to say that the little venue has been discovered. It's always been a hoppin' place, a great community gathering of locals and the occasional visitor on Sunday mornings. This past weekend, there wasn't a parking spot anywhere near the Cooper Center where the market is held. I had to park about 1/4 mile up the road. And that was at 7:30 a.m! There are more vendors now than ever. The Volcano Farmers' Market has become popular, I think, because word has spread that it's a really great place to buy some beautiful produce and delicious prepared foods. It's really different than the bigger markets. It's 100% local. Really local. It's not just stuff grown or made in Hawaii or even on the Big Island. Most of the goods sold there are made or grown either in Volcano or within a few miles of the village. I...

You see some interesting people at the Hilo Farmers' Market. This morning I spotted a flaming gay black man strolling toward me with an adorably cute and perfectly quaffed Jack Russell Terrier. How do I know he was gay? Well, I'm pretty sure the Jack Russell was straight. But the 30-something human was definitely light in the loafers. Not that there's anything wrong with that. He was wearing one of those wide necked, horizontally striped sailor's shirts, yellow and blue. His pants were white pedal pusher, tight at the knees. On his feet, canvas boat shoes with no socks. His outfit looked a little like the one Kirk Douglas wore is Disney's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Only instead of dancing with a seal, this guy was prancing with his dog. To top it off (the outfit, that is), the man wore a boat captain's cap, the kind that sits not quite flat on your head with a small brim. It was tilted just so. The flaming sailor tip-toe-trotted across the road, elbows in, ha...

It's still raining, but life is great, so onward we go to two thousand and eight! May two of my favorite quotes guide you through the new year. "Be the change you want to see in the world." Mahatma Ghandhi "Not all those who wander are lost." J.R.R. Tolkien

We've just enjoyed three days visiting with two of Ron's clients, Tom and Michelle. We hit it off famously and I think I'm safe in saying that they are now not just clients, but friends. They joined us for some barbie on the lanai Thursday night. Friday, we gobbled some great sushi and enjoyed more fun conversation. Today, we spent hours meandering our way around the island. They were great company and gave us a welcome respite from the incessant rain. At one stop along the highways and byways, we strolled the grounds of Pu'uhonua o Honaunau , a.k.a. Place of Refuge. The Hawaiian kingdom of old imposed strict laws on the people. If a person broke the law, the punishment was harsh. If you were observed standing in the shadow of the king, for instance, the penalty was death. If a soldier refused to fight his king's battles, his ass was grass. Unless, that is, he could get himself to the place of refuge before being apprehended and whacked. Run, swim, crawl...if he ma...

On Christmas eve, Ron and I took an afternoon trip up the Hamakua coast in search of some sun and lunch. We found neither. Traffic was pretty heavy through Hilo, where we stopped en-route at Hilo Hattie to buy me a new Christmas aloha shirt. Our quest for food had us headed to a little place in Laupahoehoe called The 50s Cafe. I had heard it was good, so we thought we'd give it a try. It took us a long time to get there, winding around the curves of the highway in the rain. We were both pretty hungry. Ron kept asking me, "How much further?" I'd say, "I think it's right up here." Then he'd say, "That's what you said last time I asked." Then I'd say, "I know, but I'm pretty sure it's right around the next curve." Then we would laugh. At one point, we made a detour along the Onomea Bay scenic drive, only to be turned around within just a few miles. We were stopped suddenly by a mudslide and several large, tall tre...

Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say, On a bright Hawaiian Christmas Day, That's the island greeting that we send to you From the land where palm trees sway, Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright, The sun to shine by day and all the stars at night, Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way To say "Merry Christmas to you." Written by R. Alex Anderson, 1949 http://melekalikimaka.com/meleka.wav If you click on the link above, you can hear this classic, as sung by Bing Crosby. What better to put you in the holiday spirit! Ah, Christmas time. It must be the reason I got the bug to bake tonight. So after watching Shrek 3, I whipped up an apple spice cake. It's still cooling. It's late, so I won't know how it tastes until tomorrow morning. I think it will go nicely with my coffee. It definitely smells good. I was so exhausted after working four days in a row at the wine...

Who says you can't have a white Christmas in Hawaii! If you squint a little, you can see a thin strip of snow atop Mauna Loa . Early this morning, my poor co-worker encountered a horrible customer. It actually happened an hour and a half before we were scheduled to open. Teddy was there early, as he often is, when a car drove into the parking lot. It was about 8:30 a.m. The vehicle screeched to a halt, not in one of the designated parking spaces, but smack in the middle of the lot. A man got out, leaving his car door wide open. He walked into the tasting room. "I'd like to taste some of your wine." he said. The man had ignored the closed signs on our gate and at the front door. He was German and spoke perfect English, but with a distinct accent. Teddy told him we were not scheduled to open until 10:00, but agreed to allow the man to come in and taste anyway. He wanted to taste the red. The man told Teddy he had slept in his car last night. Why he said this was uncle...

I've always been kind of a practical person when it comes to interpreting fantastic stories and song lyrics. As a kid, I though Miss Muffet was a wimp. Scared by one little spider? She'd have really freaked if she'd been cleaning with me last weekend. And that old woman who lived in the shoe with all those children should simply move out to a bigger place. Maybe a boot would be better. Size 92. My mom was a big Kingston Trio fan. They had a song called, " MTA " which stands for Metro Transit Authority. It tells a humorous tale about a guy named Charlie who gets on a Boston subway train and, because he doesn't have enough change to pay the fare, he can't get off. The chorus goes like this: Well did he ever return, no he'll never return and his fate is still unlearned, He may ride forever 'neath the streets of Boston, he's the man who never returned.... At one point, the song describes the man's wife, who stands at the station every day at ...

Saturday started out as just another day to clean the house. Within a short time, however, I found myself on a mission; a mission of arachnid eradication. The spiders, for all their great bug-eating prowess, have a tendency to get a bit out of control in a place where there's no real winter. They're not only everywhere outside, but inside, too. I found webs with giant eight-leggers in corners, on the ceiling, hiding under window shades....everywhere! They were in places I vacuumed just two days before. Since the invasion of the beetles, the spiders have grown enormously fat and happy. So I sucked 'em all up. EEEEEEEEWWWWWW! I was none too keen on removing the vacuum bag. In addition to spider sucking, there was fun with fungi. What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom? Gee your a fun-gi! Unfortunately, the prevailing fungus amongus was not shitakes or portabellos, but mold and mildew. Again.... eeeeeeeeewwwwww! I cleaned the top of the fridge, which was home to a n...

The morning began crystal clear, with views of snow-capped Mauna Loa across the golf course on my way to work. Unfortunately, I neglected to bring the camera, so didn't get a shot. Maybe I'll get lucky tomorrow. The nice weather did not last, however, and soon, we were shrouded in Volcano Village mist, interrupted regularly by terrific downpours. Still, it was a fun, silly day. We didn't get busy until late and even then, we weren't crushed. There was plenty of time for us to sing along to the Christmas carols playing on the stereo, talk story and even play a little hang man on the dry erase board we use to convey mass messages to the crew. Ron spent the afternoon learning that the insurance company "expert" he had made an appointment to consult knew less about the coverage provided by various policies offered by her company than he did. I think the experience caused temporary waning of his aloha. "You don't have to be so mean," said the woman ...

It was a dark and stormy night. Really. It was. Then there was another. Then another. Those nights were accompanied by some dark and stormy days, too. Last week was pretty wild, with buckets of rain, power outages, toppled trees, washed out roads and downright weather craziness. On Wednesday at the winery, I was the hero for figuring out how to turn the incessant beep of the alarm system off when the power went kaput. Visitors and fellow employees alike applauded when the loud, high-pitched whine finally stopped. I also got to ring up transactions by hand and count back change for the first time since my early 20s. That's a very long time , folks. Whew! Luckily, those things you learn when you're young are the things that stay with you for life. It was like riding a bike. I handled the finances while my cohorts poured tastings and helped tourists with merchandise. Amazingly, all the credit card and cash receipts balanced perfectly at day's end. Not so perfect was the impac...

I am brave. I must be. I'm certainly no wimp. After all, I've just spent the past two weeks cruising around hippyville with my redneck dad, proudly sporting his NRA baseball cap. That takes guts, dude. Cojones. Yep. I got 'em. Dad is gone now. He jumped on the big bird and flew home to the great Pacific Northwest, where the weather makes our storm today seem like a little sprinkle. It was very blustery throughout the islands, causing it to rain sideways here most of the day. The lanai got soaked. Our carport awning leg blew out and required emergency attention to keep the whole thing from flying away to Oz. It was way more exciting than Hurricane whats-her-name that blew through a few months ago. The surf is huge, beaches are closed and the news is reporting downed trees and flooded neighborhoods. But our weather pales in comparison to the 100 mile-per-hour gusts and driving downpours that have soaked my former homeland. It just goes to show you. The grass is always wetter ...

The sun was shining, the vog was faint and we cruised to South Point for a day's diversion. En-route, we stopped for malasadas at the Pahala Town Cafe. My dad abstained. While Ron and I chowed down on cream-filled sugary fried dough, dad had a cigarette. I guess we all have our vices. We cruised down to the southern most point on the island. This is an historic location; the place where the first polynesians voyagers, those who would become the first Hawaiians, landed their sailing conoes and started a new civilization after crossing some 2700 miles of open ocean. It's a bleak and barren place, so it's no wonder they fanned out quickly and settled everywhere but here. Still, it's beautiful in it windswept way. On our way to South Point, we stopped at Punalu'u Black Sand Beach. My dad said he really didn't care so much about seeing a black sand beach, nor did he really care if we say a turtle. OK, so he'd been there before. Once. Truth be told, he just didn...

Ladies and gentlemen.... the BEETLES! Yes, we are experiencing beetle-mania. No, not the Beatles. I'm not talking John, Paul, George and Ringo. I'm talking beetles , like the bug. We are inundated with little brown beetles. Hundreds fly into the lanai every night, then slowly walk around. They walk on the tables, chairs, windows, decking. Beetles here, beetles there, beetles beetles everywhere. These beetles are really very boring. They both fly and walk very slowly. If they flip onto their backs, they cannot right themselves without help. If you touch one, he pulls his legs and antenna in and plays dead. Leave him alone for a moment and off he cruises, steady as she goes. Where's he going? Nobody knows. Once the beetles land, they don't seem motivated to take off again. They just cruise around on foot. They become pedestrian beetles. I don't know what they eat or what eats them. Truth be told, I sort of like the little buggahs . Unless they land in my beverage. The...

Pops and I hit the soggy trail today and made our way to the northern tip of the island. We visited the towns of Hawi (pronounced ha- vee ) and Kapa'au , then Pololu Valley lookout. As you can see, it was a spectacular day at Pololu . I vowed to return soon to hike to the black sand beach at the bottom, a task my dad is not really up to these days. As we passed through Kapa'au , I pointed out the statue of King Kamehameha and noted that he was born here, near Hawi . Dad looked at the sculpture, then said, "I thought he was fatter." "Fatter?" I asked. "Well he's fat in the movie," he said. "What movie?" I asked. "Well, in all those movies the king of the natives is always fat," he said. "So there's no specific movie, just movies in general when you've seen a king on some island?" "Yeah," he says. My dad isn't one to dwell on the detailed accuracy of history. The other day on the phone, he tri...